Updated: Mar 24
The birth of my second daughter led me into a community that I had so little knowledge and understanding of. In this community, oxygen-deprived newborn suffers from brain damage that may last for a lifetime. Parents are bombarded with a cascade of emotions, from the joy of seeing every minute progress in their little ones’ condition to the disappointments that follow each medical diagnosis where at times the only prescription is hope.
Currently, at eight months old, my daughter has been diagnosed with severe HIE (Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy) that affects her ability to move, swallow and even smile. Her vision and hearing are also severely impaired due to brain injury. My husband and I spend our days feeding our little daughter through a tube that goes through her nose into her stomach, and our schedule is filled with appointments with doctors and therapists that often can do little other than asking us to wait and see. As we encountered roadblock after roadblock in our daughter’s recovery journey, there were countless nights when I questioned God why no miracle befell my daughter, despite all my cries of help and desperation. In my darkest moments, God continued to strengthen me and comfort me as I sailed through every wave of depression and agony. I prayed to God that my tears would not be shed in vain, but my daughter could become a testimony of God’s immense power and grace that encourage many.
As most forms of face-to-face human-interactions were disallowed during the Movement Control Order (MCO) in Malaysia, I started to share my story on social media – of my joy and struggles in taking care of a special-need baby and of my emotional and spiritual journey as a mother of two. My stories were met with a huge response from thousands of other mothers – Christians and non-Christians alike. Some of them were special-kid mothers who faced similar circumstances in their lives like me. Some were depressed new mothers who just need a listening ear. Some were inspired by my hope in God as they were also seeking God’s strength in their own motherhood journey. My story enabled me to connect with mothers from both Malaysia and abroad, as we called and messaged each other to share our experience and encouraged each other through prayers and words of advice. As I stayed behind closed doors taking care of my little one who needs my constant attention, God opened doors for me to touch mothers from the other parts of the globe whom I had never met.
I thanked God that He used my brokenness to share His goodness and mercy with many other mothers who need Him. And I realised that the gospel of Jesus is not for those who are whole but for the broken. As I am broken but made whole in God, I can become the vessel of grace and hope that brings salvation to the other broken hearts. As I pray earnestly for God’s physical healing in my daughter’s body, I also pray for the emotional and spiritual healing in every mother that I cross path with, that they shall experience God in a deep and personal way just like I did.